FINDING YOURSELF- IDENTITY/CONFIDENCE/SELF-ESTEEM

 IT'S HARD TO FIND YOURSELF IN THAT DARK MAZE OF YOUR HEAD AND YOU KNOW YOU MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO COME BACK FROM IT AS EASILY AS OTHER PEOPLE. MAYBE YOU'VE LOST IT ALL TO SOMEONE WHO THINKS THEY'RE POWERFUL AND THEY HAVE SOME TYPE OF HOLD OVER YOU SO YOU CAN'T FIND THAT POWERFUL VOICE TO STOP THEM BREATHING DOWN YOUR NECK. IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO MAN UP AND PULL YOURSELF BACK TOGETHER EVEN IF YOU'VE WASTED YOUR BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS TRYING TO PLEASE A PERSON WHO MIGHT NOT BE FIGHTING FOR YOU IN YOUR CORNER. IT'S HIGH TIME THAT YOU GO ON THAT JOURNEY OF SELF-DISCOVERY TO FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE, WHO YOU CAN BE, AND WHO YOU'RE MEANT TO BE. IT'S ALSO ABOUT FINDING THAT VERSION OF YOURSELF THAT WAS PASSIONATE, FILLED WITH ALL THE CONFIDENCE IN THE WORLD, OR THAT PERSON WHO HELD THEMSELVES TO A HIGH STANDARD WHEN IT CAME TO BEING SURE OF THEMSELVES AND HAVING HIGH SELF-ESTEEM SO YOU COULD FEEL THAT UNFORGETTABLE MOMENT OF BEING ON TOP OF THE WORLD.SO WHO ARE YOU? THAT'S THE BIGGEST QUESTION THAT YOU CAN ASK YOURSELF AS A PERSON. ARE YOU A GOOD PERSON? ARE YOU THE VILLAIN IN THE STORYLINE OF ANOTHER PERSON'S LIFE? OR CAN YOU BE THE HERO AND FIX EVERYTHING THAT EVER WENT WRONG IN LIFE? YOU DON'T NEED TO BE THAT PERSON WHO'S STUCK IN A MOULD OF PERFECTION, 'CAUSE PERFECTION IS OVERRATED. IT'S ABOUT BEING COMFORTABLE TO STEP OUT OF YOUR SHELL AND CHANGE PEOPLE'S CRITIQUES OF WHO YOU ARE AS A PERSON. IT'S NOT ABOUT HAVING SELF-DOUBT OR TRYING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE WHO EVERYONE LOOKS UP TO OR ADMIRES, IT'S ABOUT BEING A BEAUTIFUL MESS SO PEOPLE CAN SEE ALL OF THE VERSIONS OF YOU AND YOUR PERSONALITY SO THEY CAN ACCEPT YOU AND APPRECIATE YOU FOR JUST BEING REAL WITHOUT ANY OF THE MASKS OR POKER-FACES COVERING YOUR FACE.YOU'RE PROBABLY FEELING SHAKEN UP SINCE YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF DIRECTION IF SOMEONE HAS RIPPED YOU APART PIECE BY PIECE UNTIL YOU'RE NOTHING EXCEPT A PIECE OF CHEWING GUM ON THE BOTTOM OF THEIR SHOE RIGHT? YOU NEED TO SQUASH THAT FEAR BACK DOWN TO WHERE IT CAME FROM AND LEARN TO LET YOUR WALLS DOWN TO LET PEOPLE IN. MAYBE YOU'RE IN THAT DARK PLACE WHERE SOMEONE HAS STRIPPED YOU APART LIKE A MECHANICAL ROBOT UNTIL YOU FEEL LIKE THEY'VE RIPPED YOUR SOUL APART AND SPAT ALL OVER IT AND PUSHED IT BACK INTO PLACE. WELL, YOU NEED TO PUSH PAST ALL OF THAT NEGATIVITY IF YOU WANT TO REBUILD YOURSELF BACK INTO THAT CHARMING CONFIDENT PERSON WHO KNEW EXACTLY WHO THEY ARE AND WHY THEY'RE MEANT TO BE IN THIS WORLD.IF YOU WANT TO BE SERIOUS ABOUT PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE AGAIN AFTER BEING HUMILIATED, YOU NEED TO LEARN HOW TO OWN THE STAGE OF LIFE BY USING YOUR VOICE TO CREATE A STORM.  OK I'VE RAMBLED ON FOR AGES NOW SO GRAB SOME FLUFFY BLANKETS AND THOSE PILLOWS THAT YOU CAN SIT BACK AND RELAX ON WHILE YOU'RE MUNCHING SOME POPCORN AND LISTEN LOUD AND CRYSTAL CLEAR 'DON'T BOTHER MAKING IT UP TO SOMEONE UNLESS THEY ARE ON YOUR LEVEL 100 PERCENT OF THE TIME THAT YOU'RE SENDING THEM EMOTIONAL PARAGRAPHS ON SOCIAL MEDIA CUZ THEY THINK YOU'RE ALL EMOTIONAL AND THAT YOU GET RILED UP EASILY WHEN YOU NEVER EVEN KNEW A PERSON WAS RILING YOU UP CUZ YOU'RE LOST IN A DARK CORNER IN YOUR HEAD THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO GET YOURSELF OUT OF AND YOU'RE JUST DIGGING DEEP AND TRYING TO GIVE THE WORDS OF APOLOGY TO SOMEONE THAT'S CLOSE TO YOU EVEN IF THEY TELL YOU THAT YOU DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYONE WHEN YOU DO AND YOU CAN'T SHOW IT CUZ AFTER YOU BOTCHED UP MAKNG AMENDS WITH SOMEONE YOU JUST WANNA DIG A HOLE AND CURL UP IN IT AND YOUR GUARD IS UP SO YOU DON'T GET HURT AGAIN AND YOUR WALLS ARE BUILT HIGH AROUND YOU CUZ YOU DON'T WANT YOUR HEART TO GET BROKEN AGAIN SO YOU PROTET YOURSELF FROM THOSE PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU AND CARE ABOUT YOU BUT IT'S NOT ABOUT PLEASING THEM IT'S ABOUT YOU ACCEPTING YOURSELF FOR WHO YOU ARE AND STICKING TO THAT SURE CONFIDENT CARE-FREE PERSON YOU USED TO BE BEFORE YOU RAN INTO THAT BEAST CALLED TRAUMA' OOH THAT WAS A HEAVY PIECE OF ADVICE BUT I'VE BEEN THERE DONE THAT AND IT WASN'T PRETTY SO I THINK WE COULD ALL USE A DO-OVER WITH PEOPLE AND IT DOESN'T MATTER IF THEY BRUSH OVER THE SUBJECT AND ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED IT'S ABOUT YOU TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHO YOU ARE IT'S ABOUT NOT LETTING ALL THESE WORDS THAT HURT YOU WRECK YOU COMPLETELY UNTIL PEOPLE CAN SEE THE CRACKS THAT YOU TRY SO HARD TO COVER UP AND THEN ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE SO YOU GOTTA LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND CHECK YOURSELF SO YOU CAN STAY COOL CALM AND COLLECTED SO YOU CAN GET THAT SASS BACK SO THE SPARK OF COURAGE AND DETERMINATION CAN TRICKLE BACK INTO YOUR SYSTEM TO GIVE YOU THE POWER TO ADVOCATE ON BEHALF OF YOURSELF. OKAY I'M GONNA STOP RAMBLING NOW AND GIVE Y'ALL SOME MORE AWE-INSPIRING ADVICE TO FIND YOURSELF AGAIN SO GRAB THOSE FLUFFY PILLOWS AND BLANKETS  AND SIT BACK AND RELAX WITH THAT CHEESEBOARD YOU MADE LAST WEEKEND AND LISTEN LOUD AND CRYSTAL CLEAR 'NEVER BE AFRAID TO STAND YOUR GROUND AND OWN THE FLOOR WHILE YOU 'TALK THE TALK' AND 'WALK THE WALK' TO REGAIN YOUR CONFIDENCE/SELF-ESTEEM/IDENTITY CUZ YOU NEED TO FOCUS ON YOURSELF AS WE'RE ALL WORKS IN PROGRESS AND WE DON'T NEED TO MOVE TWO STEPS BACK AND THREE STEPS FORWARD AS POP IN LUKE CAGE SAID 'NEVER BACKWARD, ALWAYS FORWARD. ALWAYS' YOU'VE GOTTA PUSH FORWARD AND HOLD ON TO THAT PERSON WHO SHINES IN THE SPOTLIGHT CUZ THAT'S THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE GETTING BACK TO BEING YOUR AWESOME SELF  EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO KEEP YOUR WALLS UP SOMETIMES SO YOU DON'T GET HURT A SECOND OR THIRD TIME' WHOA THAT WAS A LOADED PIECE OF ADVICE BUT IT JUST BRINGS YOU BACK TO THAT MOMENT WHEN YOU'VE FINALLY FOUND YOURSELF YOU'RE GONNA WANNA BE ABLE TO CHEER UNTIL YOUR VOICE SOARS OVER THE ROOFTOPS AFTER BEING IN THIS WEIRD MIND FUNK WHERE YOU CAN'T EVEN FUNCTION CUZ YOU DON'T KNOW WHY PEOPLE HAVE JUDGED YOUR CHARACTER TO HARSHLY AND YOU JUST WANNA PUNCH AN INVISIBLE WALL OR SOMETHING BUT YOUR WHOLE CHEST DEFLATES WHEN THAT FEELING OF MISTRUST AND HATING YOURSELF FADES AWAY IT'S JUST AMAZING AND YOU NEED TO ACCEPT YOU'RE A COMPLICATED INTENSE IMPERFECT BEAUTIFUL MESS AND I THINK THAT PEOPLE NEED TO RESPECT THAT AND JUST LET YOU BREATHE WITHOUT THOSE JUDGEMENTAL LOOKS OR THAT OUTER SIGH OF CRITIQUE THAT IS VOICED INTO THOSE BULLETS OF LECTURE THAT BREAK YOU AND TURN YOU INTO A PILE OF RUBBLE. NO ONE WANTS TO FEEL LIKE THAT SO WHY DO PEOPLE HAVE TO BUILD YOU UP INTO THAT WEIGHTLESS FEELING OF EUPHORIA JUST TO BREAK YOU APART UNTIL YOU CAN'T TAKE A BREATH CUZ ALL THE WIND HAS BEEN KNOCKED OUT OF YOUR BODY? MY ANSWER TO THIS IS I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA. EVERYONE'S NOT GONNA BE YOUR BIGGEST FAN STRAIGHT AWAY AND THEY'RE GONNA CARE ABOUT YOU IN A FUNNY WAY BY BEING HARD ON YOU TO WATCH YOU GRAB SUCCESS BY TEH HAND BUT THAT'S NOT THE WAY TO DO IT EVERYONE SHOULD BE DRIVEN BY POSITIVITY INSTEAD OF NEGATIVITY AND YOU NEED TO PUSH THESE CRAZY DOUBTS/GUILT.UNEASINESS/SADNESS DOWN IF IT EVER STEWS IN THE PIT OF YOUR STOMACH SO YOU CAN BE A BADASS KING OR QUEEN. OOH I'VE RAMBLED ON TOO MUCH AS USUAL SO I'M GONNA GIVE Y'ALL SOME JAW-DRIPPING ADVICE SO GRAB THOSE PILLOWS AND THROW BLANKETS THAT Y'ALL LOVE SO MUCH AND SIT BACK AND RELAX AND GRAB SOME CHOC DIP THAT YOU USED TO EAT AS A KID AND LISTEN LOUD AND CRYSTAL CLEAR 'DON'T EVER GIVE INTO THESE DOUBTS THAT GET PUT INTO YOUR HEAD CUZ OF OTHER PEOPLE'S TONE OF DISAPPOINTMENT IN THEIR VOICES CUZ YOU JUST NEED TO GET OVER IT AND PUSH PAST THOSE FEELINGS OF AGITATION/ANXIETY AND JUST BE YOU WITHOUT CARING ABOUT ANYTHING THAT PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOU CUZ YOU MIGHT BE AN AMAZING PERSON WHO IS GOOD AND BELOW THAT GUARDED WALL YOU PUT UP IN FRONT OF OTHERS YOU MIGHT BE AS SOFT AS A MARSHMALLOW AND YOU NEED TO LET PEOPLE IN BY CLARIFYING WHAT THEIR INTENTIONS ARE TOWARDS YOU BEFORE YOU GET HURT AGAIN' OOH THIS WAS A TOUGHIE TO GET OUT THERE BUT I JUST NEED TO LET THIS PIECE OF ADVICE SINK IN WITH YOU GUYS CUZ EVERYTHING CAN TURN UGLY WHEN SHIT HITS THE FAN AND YOU NEED TO BE READY TO DEFEND YOURSELF IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY. ALSO BEFORE YOU LET PEOPLE BACK IN YOU NEED TO REALISE THAT NOT EVERYONE'S OUT TO GET YOU AND THAT SOME PEOPLE WHO MUGHT NOT LIKE WHO YOU ARE AND YOUR PERSONALITY CAN JOG ON AND YOU JUST NEED TO BE ABLE TO BE WHO YOU ARE AND SHOW THE PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMIGLIA THAT YOU'RE NOT GONNA CHANGE WHO YOU ARE JUST CUZ PEOPLE JUDGED YOUR BOOK BY IT'S COVER HARSHLY WITHOUT YOU KNOWING AND SO WHAT IF YOU'VE HELD ON TO THOSE FEELINGS OF SADNESS AND BETRAYAL FOR A LONG TIME? THE MAIN THING IN THIS LIFE IS TO FIND THOSE PEOPLE WHO CAN BE YOUR RIDE OR DIE WITHOUT TAKING AWAY THE BRIGHT LIGHT INSIDE YOU THAT MAKES YOU THE PERSON YOU WANNA BE CUZ ONCE IT'S DIMMED YOU CAN BECOME DESTRUCTIVE WITH YOUR THOUGHTS BUT I THINK SOMETIMES IT'S EASIER NOT TO TELL ANYONE CUZ WHEN YOU DO IT CAN BE A LITTLE TRICKY FOR THE PERSON TO STAY IN YOUR CORNER AND NOT SIDE WITH THE PERSON WHO HURT YOU. SO BASICALLY JUST FIND SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU CALM WHETHER THAT'S WATCHING SHOWS OR DRAWING OR EVEN WRITING IT DOESN'T MATTER YOU JUST NEED TO DO YOU. OKAY SO I'VE RAMBLED ON FOR AGES NOW AND I NEED TO SIGN OFF NOW SO I'M GONNA LET YOU GUYS CHEW ON THIS GREAT ADVICE AND THINK ABOUT MOVING ON FROM A DARK PLACE IN LIFE. 

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