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 Complicated Mind

By Nabilah Patel Written on the 7th of October 2021


Sitting in a dark corner 

Mind wandering to all the dark corners of the brain

Drowning in deep thought with the weight of the world on my shoulders 

I’m opening up all those dark drawers filled with insecurities 

Am I really a good person? 

Can i meet all these expectations that are so high?

Other people set the bar of perfection so high

So why can’t I live up to their greatness? 

The answer is I’m not them

I’m me, myself and I

I’m not meant to be compared to you and them.


I’m thinking too hard until my head’s about to burst like a balloon

All these thoughts swirling around in my mind.

Why are they filled with negativity?

Shouldn’t they be filled with proud thoughts of positivity? 

All those bullets of lecture and adult conversation hit me with force

I’m not a target standing in the middle of the crossfire.

I’m a person with thoughts and emotions that could be clouded by jedgement.

Why am I trying so hard to please everyone?

My mind’s playing tricks on me. 


Sometimes I feel like i’m in a hotseat with all the questions that people are firing at me

Sometimes i’m the one who questions myself mentally.

The mind is full of conflicting thoughts

These thoughts can draw the line between love and war. 

Sometimes the mind can wander off to dangerous territory.

I’m getting asked, are you okay? I say yes.

Physically i’m fine, Mentally i’m a wreck. 

I’m being pushed to the breaking point. 

I’m not Supergirl, Black Widow, Captain Marvel or WonderWoman

I’m just an ordinary human being.


I’m saying a lot of things in my head

I should be screaming the thoughts to the rooftops and beyond

Why is it so hard to communicate with people? 

Trust is hanging by a thread, it can snap and break as easily as taking a breath

Masking all the hurt with a million dollar watt smile

Pain cuts deep and the mental scars don’t fade away

So why do people have to mess with your fragile mind? 

When you’re still debating whether you’re good enough or not. 


The criticisms about hair, skin, and actions get under your skin 

Until you snap like an elastic band

People should be boosting confidence inside me myself and I 

Why are they smashing the tower of confidence and turning it into rubble? 

The mind can take so much until it’s clouded with rage, frustration, sadness and haunting doubt. 

So why is self esteem hitting rock bottom? 

Shouldn’t the mind be empowered by positivity, happiness, laughter and confidence? 

Memories of drama get imprinted on the mind like a burning pattern branded into the brain.

Wish I could stop for a minute and slow everything down

Maybe I could start over


Lying in bed staring at the ceiling 

Wondering about all the what ifs

Could I have done something differently? 

Wait a minute I’m not picture perfect

My mind is trying to find all the lost fragments of  mistakes i’ve made along the way.

I close my eyes and think I’m still a work in progress 

I’ve used the words of apology so many times

Now it’s time to work on finding out who I am and showing the world the real me. 

Forget about all the insecurities and love who the real me is.

Gotta find a new focus in life

Can’t afford to make a blazing trail of mistakes again

My mind needs to find peace instead of beating itself up about things that should stay in the tapestry of the past.


I’m trying to be a better woman, sister and daughter

I’m trying to make amends 

I’m trying to get my mind cleansed of all the worst fears that I can face

I’m trying to be brave like a roaring lion

Strong like an alpha female

Being comfortable in my skin so no one can judge me like they’re judging a book by it’s cover

They’ve gotta open the book and read between the lines to dig up my personality that shines like a gem. 

They gotta be able to have my back every step of the way until my mind can be healed from doubts.




Hi people this is about mental health during corona and I originally wrote it for my cuzins magazine but it didn't make it to that platform so I'll put it on here. To all those that can relate i think this poem is gonna get you through those tough times. 

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