YANKING AND DROPPING AN OBJECT

 Hey SWAT fans,

The trench of trouble that is being dug is a messy business when you've been clumsy and yanked the wrong wire that you desperately need to use on technology to get it to perform at 100 percent. You're getting the motherload of lectures about not asking for assistance to get something, when you've just started to grasp onto your independence as a normal upstanding human being. Then everything goes blank in your big beautiful brains when your monumental failures are giving you some type of whiplash in your face. The earth-shattering amount of shame hits you like a tidal wave and all the blood has rushed into your face and it's loud and deafening in your ears and you've got nowhere to run or hide cuz the pain of not being enough has sent you to the shallow depth of rock bottom. Your lungs are closing in like the four walls of a house closing in on you, the swirling whirlpool of panic has gotten you in its' claws and you are sinking in the quicksand of a raging wildfire of beast-mode rage that you've made another human being tap into without even meaning to. You're laid out on a metaphorical chopping block with all your wounds cut open raw and bleeding, you're left out in the wild to fend for yourself while all your defenses are lowered and your walls of strength/confidence/self-esteem/calm exterior are all hit with the bullets of words you don't wanna hear raining down on you like a raging thunderstorm. 

Crying doesn't cut it, it won't save you or solve your problems, having no one in your corner but you to remain standing when all the wind has been knocked out of your tower of confidence that is now rubble on the cold unfeeling ground that is reality being shattered like mirrored glass and you don't even know why shit has hit the fan so monumentally like  fire rising inside a burning building and there's nothing you can do about it. Then there's bringing up so many examples of when you've never been good enough or not normal enough or when you've not even been in the wrong in a situation and had your own back cuz no one's gonna be like Creed and Rocky in each other's corner, and you've ripped your vocal cords open from shouting because your anxiety has made you into a monster in someone else's world of perfection, when you're just trying to survive in the arena of life by being unapologetically YOU. This is when you know that you're not gonna be liked by everyone for being too loud, too outspoken/an advocator/too opinionated/too messy that you colour outside the lines of another person's shadow. Maybe you're not on another level like the rest of the world, you just wanna be setting your own bar high and making people notice you, and see that you're making a difference in lives and setting your own footsteps in the sand. People should follow in your footsteps in the sand not draw metaphorical lines in them. You have an army behind you one time and then it's you taking the heat of all those questions that are left unanswered that leave your mouth dry like the desert and you're a starving human thirsting for a drop of water that is trust or comfort in a cactus infested land. 

I'm gonna give y'all some awesome mind-blowing advice so sit back and relax against those fluffy pillows and slide into those quilted blankets. Change into your favourite pair of loungewear/PJ's/hoodies and joggers/t-shirts and shorts. Grab a bowl of popcorn while watching The Princess and the Frog. Listen loud and crystal clear: 

'You can set a billion land-mines on fire, but it's hard to receive the hand of apology after being chewed out while you've pissed the wrong person off for no reason, when you didn't even damage said precious cargo. You have to find the strength to rebuild your entire self from the ground up after experiencing some kind of trauma that makes you feel like the wind has been knocked out of your entire body. You'll be left shaken, but hold your head up high and don't give another being too much ammunition when they see you breaking, in a weak vulnerable way. You have to hold yourself together in any way/shape/form before you retreat to lick those wounds and break apart into a million tiny shards of porcelain skin and bone in an emotional way. Then you dip your toe in the universal well of the silent treatment. Works every time.'

Oy Oy Oy! Some mad advice there. It's heavy and soul-shattering. Yeah, you're left floating in oblivion for a bit, but you write it all down on digital or literal paper and then you move on, even if you're still sitting with the pain poking you like a thorn on a rose pricking your skin, you bury it all under carefully stitched bandages and leave it to scar over and start over with the words of that beings apology. THIS IS THE QUESTION TO ANSWER- What if said apology never comes? It's not your responsibility to always cave and be the bigger man/woman cuz you didn't even realise your attitude and humanity were on the chessboard of analysis. It's not your issue to carry a big weight of the bricks of stress dragging your down into the literal darkness of what ifs. You gotta unshackle it all with the calming air of breathing in positivity and breathing out all the negativity that plagues your mind day in and out. The maze doesn't need to be tackled on a daily basis all the time. Who said you need to be a shrink in your mind? We do it all the time as people. It makes you question your normality even when you are in fact at 100 percent normal on the scale of being a good upstanding citizen in your small corner of the world. 

I'm gonna stop rambling now, and lay down the bread and butter of advice that y'all are soaking up like little sponges. Sit back and relax against those fluffy pillows and blankets. Slide into your favourite pair of loungewear/PJ's/hoodies and joggers/t-shirts and jeans. Grab some chocolate cornflakes to munch on. Listen loud and crystal clear:

'You don't have the luxury to mentally break down, when you're at the peak of your healthy stable mental health. YES, it takes a hit every now and then, but you can't let others tank your progress and turn it into a sinking ship. You'll wanna spiral out of the realm of calm into the dark haze of clouded anger that blinds your focus and sends you over the edge. Don't let it win. You have to master the poker face it makes you immune to ruckus or chaos even if you're in the center of it all. You have to have backbone though, what's the point of being straight up with a person when you're crumbling under the pressure of being in the hot seat of trouble?'

OOH. The advice that will have you eating out of the palm of a hand. Yeah, the floor isn't yours, you don't know how to respond at all cuz you're drowning in the arrows that are hitting you in the chest, when you thought you were cool with a person and then it all goes up in smoke, all that progress of being besties/ride or dies ends in a split second and you're on awkward neutral territory that you've never known how to embark on. Why did you have to make a mess of things when you were done with all the madness? IDK on that one, but how do you then communicate with a person who doesn't get you? You can't have banter with that person if you're on edge most of the time when you know in the sticky situations they're not gonna apologise after saying words that cut deep in your dark soul, and hurt you like the metaphorical jagged armour twisting in your gut. 

Alright, I rambled on for a long time there. Got passionate in the subject material of the post. I'll lay down some mind-changing, earth-shattering advice. Sit back and relax against those comfy sofas with your blankets covering your laps. Slide into your favourite pair of loungewear/PJ's/hoodies and joggers/t-shirts and shorts. Grab some Indian thing called Chuckri to munch on. Listen loud and crystal clear:

'You can improve yourself, but self-worth/confidence doesn't need to be torn apart and flushed down the toilet. Being able to articulate yourself should be a powerful thing like finding your inner roaring lioness to be fierce and unstoppable. Don't try to impress a person who hasn't earned your trust or is a person who can't be in your corner to back you up when all the words die in your throat and you can't get them out in the open past the choking lump of emotion that you should wear on your sleeve, cuz we can't all be robots.'

OMG. Literal mic drop moment there. I gave you a bit of positive vibes. You have to sometimes let your walls crumble once in a while so you can rebuild them back up to guard the big red beating muscle that sits under your ribs. (A.K.A the heart). You can have a big one, but care deeply for the right reasons in that long lists of pros and cons we all make mentally. You can blank a person for a long time and not let them in, but if you don't let all the confidence out in the right way, you'll explode like a grenade. Lower those towering walls for the right people who will give you awesome advice like this. 

I'll give y'all one last piece of advice to chew on. Sit back and relax against those comfy office chairs. Slide into your favourite pair of loungewear/PJ's/hoodies and joggers/t-shirts and jeans. Grab a Mini Egg Cookie to gobble. Listen loud and crystal clear:

'Don't believe words that aren't true about yourself. It can make you go down the rabbit hole of doubt and self-loathing. Don't obsess over how you could've done things differently. You don't need to fake it to make it, be real and make an impact on people who believe in you to be great, and achieve greatness.'

WOW. Some awesome parting words of advice for y'all to mull over in those big complicated brains of yours.

I'll leave you with a quote along the lines of:

'Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.'- Oscar Wilde

Enjoy.

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