AMBUSHED/RUCKUS

 Hey Awesome People.

It's like a war thing getting ambushed but with words that hit you like arrows to the chest. You have to be on the Down-Low about it though. It strips away the tower of confidence that you've spent so long building, which turns it into rubble. You wanna use the Miyagi Do way of defense through your words, but it doesn't always work out in the way you're expecting right? It affects you differently, while you're questioning everything that makes you self-assured about yourself as a human. Then you have to see all the cracks that are forming on your carefully crafted armour that is falling apart cuz you haven't fortified it's borders of self-esteem and the tightening of your chest walls when it comes to anxieties about who you are and what you have or wanna accomplish in life to reach certain goals about yourself as a person. Do you crawl back into your protective shell, or burst out like larva and stand out in a crowd while raising your voice for the things that matter to you as a person? It's a thin line that gets drawn in the sand. You think you have similar footsteps in the sand to another person, or you're on the same page as someone, but you always end up in completely different books, which is how the trenches of trouble from England to no-man's-land start happening with the ruckus and ambushing that aren't a fault or flaw that can be fixed easily. YOU find out you can't be on the same level with a person who keeps blowing up at you like some military level explosion every time you say something that you think is okay to say. Yes you have to be a vault to be trustworthy at all times, but you have to advocate on behalf of yourself when you're backed up against a wall and there's no way out of a sticky situation.

Okay I rambled on for ages now, I guess I'll lay down the jaw-dropping, mind-blowing advice that'll knock your socks off. Sit back, and relax against those fluffy pillows and quilted throws. Slide into your go-to footwear/fuzzy socks/fluffy slippers/chucks/kicks/trainers/boots or heels. Grab a bag of Onion Rings Crisps to gobble, and listen loud and crystal clear:

'When you're trying to get your point across, it doesn't matter if the other person thinks you're shouting, when you're not. You can get panicked and not know what to do when you're literally in the hot seat of getting character-bashed. Then there's the crippling worry about getting voice-recorded cuz you're not being a mature upstanding citizen in a house, don't give into that crushing fear of not being good enough or trying to reach another person's bar of acceptable perfection/behaviour when you've worked on yourself for so long and can't be able to please another human who is already immersed in the mould of perfection and you can't get there in record timing. Be your own unique self and only impress yourself, and feel good in yourself and don't do it for anyone else's approval.'

Yikes that was a hell of a lot of advice. It's good for the soul through the messed up tangled web of insecurities that you're going through. You try and act gangster/mobster tough, but everyone crumbles and gets to a point where they have to let the downpour of tears out, cuz we're all human beings and we can get our emotions/feelings stomped on and hurt in different ways. Being the listener and staying silent like the scene in The Little Mermaid where Ursula takes Ariel's voice shouldn't be okay in anyone's book. Every once in a while you'll snap like an elastic band, but it shouldn't be received like you're too defensive, when you're just trying to get your voice heard. You shouldn't get verbally jumped just because you're trying to have this thing called a backbone, which allows you to have some spark of fight in you to be able to be straightforward even if people think you're doing immature things or doing some nonsensical thing, when you're just trying to stand your ground and be able to have your own back when you're being ambushed or are involved in ruckus with another person who you are supposed to get on with all the time.

I'll stop going on and on and give y'all some awesome, ground-breaking advice. Sit back and relax in those comfy chairs. Grab a tub of Pringles to chew and munch on. Slide into your favourite pair of loungewear/PJ's/hoodies and joggers/T-shirts and shorts. Listen loud and crystal clear:

'Don't shut down and go into long stretches of silent behaviour 'cause someone's disappointment for you is shown deeply in the eyes that are the windows to the soul. It's better to take some time and distance to calm yourself down and focus on deep breathing. Do that Master Shifu thing and find inner and outer peace. You can go to a safe place in your house or brain where you can find the will to have positivity again. Yes you can write down all these things that are giving you huge waves of anxiety to feel 'normal' in your own individual way.'

Sheesh! That was some real gold that should be retained in those photographic memories of yours if you have one. It's about being able to step away from all this antagonistic words that are said in the heat of the moment, and being able to apologise to a person or get the hand of apology extended to you if someone has made you doubt a billion and one things about who you are and how you put one foot in front of the other to be the greatest person on the planet. Every single one of us has flaws, some just own them better than others. You'd like to be able to make something of your imperfections to prove people wrong on so many levels.

Oops. I gotta stop getting into these long bits of rambling. I love it though. Anyway I'll give y'all some awesome/mind-numbing advice. Sit back and relax against those fluffy pillows and quilted blankets. Slide into your favourite pair of loungewear/PJ's/Kaftans/hoodies and joggers/T-shirts and jeans. Munch on your favourite chewy cookie. Listen loud and crystal clear:

'It's not about being dramatic when you know you're not as confident as you once used to be. You have to be able to rise above the noise of people not caring what you've gotta say when you're toe to toe with someone in the verbal sense. You have to be able to find the person who is shrinking back into that shell and be able to dish and take a good dishing even if you don't know what to the heck to do when it's being done. Be able to find normality even if you're a freak of nature in someone's bad books. It's way too hard to rise above the trenches of trouble you dig up everyday, when you're trying to be loud and proud without setting all these angry fireworks off.'

Yeesh! That is some cool as ice advice. You can walk away and reflect on a situation, even if it makes you look immature like a little kid, but listening to all these flaws and faults of yours from another person isn't the answer you're looking for in order to fix yourself. You'll get told these big speeches of how you have to stop being something, but how can you turn the messed up bits of anxiety and panic and imperfection off, when it's there as a way for you to not fade into a background? You feel lost on this path to redemption and you don't know how to figure out who you are and who you're meant to be. Will you erase yourself to not get character bashings over and over again? Is it worth the risk of keeping the peace? These are all the questions you'll ask yourself, but don't dim the brightness that shines within you to please another human. Be who you are and don't feel this wave of shame for being YOU.

Whoa. I've given y'all so much to THINK about. I'll let y'all chew on it some more, while I'll lay down some awesome words of wisdom for you to follow. Sit back and relax against those pillows, and fluffy blankets. Slide into your favourite TV Show merch. Grab some crisps to munch on. Listen loud and crystal clear:

'Sometimes it can get too much. You have to be able to do other things to forget about it. Go do mindfulness whether that is colouring/drawing. Breathing/meditating. Writing as well. Find a way to just let it go, but you can take however long you need to overcome it/get over it. You don't need to talk about it if you don't wanna. Always know that the strongest of people can hit the rocky road of rock bottom. Being able to appear calm and collected takes effort and a huge amount of strength. Find people who wanna be in your corner/on your side. You can forgive a person and move on.'

Okay, that was my last bit of advice. I'll leave you with an inspirational quote now. It goes along the lines of this:

'It takes but a handful of words to ambush my soul with hope.'- GoodReads 

Hope you're left inspired by all these words.

Enjoy.

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P.S. This isn't about specific people- it's about the experience of the thing for many other people.