HAVING AN ANSWER WHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO JUST DROWN IN THE SILENCE

 Hey Awesome Event Attendees,

Before attending an event, you're climbing into your car and you get told about an assistive tool hitting your face and breaking your tooth one day, and you get angry cuz it's the billionth time you've heard this line and you just shout 'I'M NOT!' then you've dug a shallow ditch of trouble that extends into a deep gaping trench that you wish you hadn't dug to channel your inner older sibling's confidence and speak up for what you believe in, and assume you get heard and your ideas/opinions get taken into consideration when they clearly haven't been taken on the chessboard of wit and sheer levels of high intelligence. Your cool confidence gets stripped down to the bone and you're left shaken up with a gaping open wound of self-loathing and silence that doesn't fit your mafia-boss level energy. You wallow into the shame that comes with the Asian Diaspora's old-school ideals of you being respectful, but not being able to advocate on behalf of yourself with the high self-esteem and powerful self-assurance you have doesn't have a place in society, as it breaks the mould that we're supposed to be pushed into as human beings of said Diaspora. 

Then you get told the famous line 'who do you think you are?' After getting told you've been disrespecting the patriarch for a couple of months after you're following in the footsteps of your older sister's confidence of fighting for what's right and wrong with that iron straight up cool regal aesthetic that has given you the inspiration to stand up and go down swinging on the battlefield of sticking to your guns and not backing down from the burning fiery embrace of a confrontation that's bigger than you. You see that power rolling off them in waves and you think I need to capture that same aura instead of backing down and succumbing to the bone deep defeat of silence and invisibility that will get you out of the line of fire and humiliation of getting told 'is this the way you talk;' when you're just learning from the person who you look up from has taught you to keep fighting and not get steam-rolled over until all the confidence and self-esteem you once had gets flushed down the loo and you're left with the waterfall of sadness washing over you until you're wallowing deep into the abyss of self-doubt and the destruction of your soul screaming out into the void whether you're good enough or not. 

Okay, I've rambled on for way too long now, let's get down to the nitty gritty of the subject at hand. Sit back and relax against those fluffy pillows and slide into that quilted blanket you love so much. Slide into your favourite pair of loungewear/PJ's/Kaftans/Hoodies and joggers/T-shirts and jeans. Grab some spicy crisps to much on. Listen loud and crystal clear: 

'Don't entertain the words that will shake you to your core when you've been told you're humiliating the person in front of others, cuz you're not. You're just learning from other people that you have to say it how it is while not backing down until you're getting your point across. Let it sink in even if it gets under the skin of that person. You can be sitting in the aftermath of the silence whilst the other person is raging, but you' ve not retreated into your shell, it's you picking and choosing the battles that will let you make smart moves on the chessboard of life so you're on a level playing field that doesn't pull the rug out from under your feet when you're backed in a verbal corner.'

OH HELL YEAH, that was some mind-boggling advice that just sets deep under the surface of hurt that creeps up on you, and there's nothing you can do about it in the heart of the moment. Afterwards, when the massive avalanche of emotion passes, you're hit with this cold clarity that you've gotta find that steel in your armour and straighten your spine before you let empty words spoken in anger get to you, you gotta talk it out with the people that you've given the hand of trust to time and time again to give yourself a shoulder to cry on before you get back up and put your game face back on. Using your voice can be a blessing and a curse all at the same time, it'll make you dip your toe in the quicksand of the crumbling foundations that you've stamped in the ground to build yourself back up brick by brick, until you think if she's not afraid to speak her mind, why should I cower in the shadows of silence that cling to me like the stench of fear that settles deep in my core? Instead, I should be using the loud lioness roar that will cause ruckus and get the frustration taken out on me from words that weren't spoken by the silent fire burning in my veins, when they should've been crawling up from my throat into the vast world that inspires you to be outspoken and original while you're being inspired by fellow peers and role-models in life. 

OK, I've rambled on for ages and ages, now I gotta give y'all some mind-changing, Earth-tilting on its' axis advice that will make you see the divide between the old and new versions of the Diaspora that we live in. Sit back in those comfy office chairs that are secretly your personal thrones. Slide into your favourite pair of loungewear/PJ's/Kaftans/Hoodies, sweatshirts/joggers/T-shirts and shorts. Grab a Lindor to munch on and a cup of burning hot chocolate to sip on while you listen loud and crystal clear; 

'Staying under the radar and playing it safe won't stop the arrows of words hitting you deep in the heart like ammunition that you can't escape from automatically stop raining down on like bad weather. It's not your fault you're learning to become the storm that can actually wreck a pavement and turn the world upside down, you're just trying to stop shoving everything down every single time when you see or know something  that isn't sitting right with you. Be the person who can voice their concerns and not be able to sink into the regret after you've faced the battle scars of the consequences that you're now wearing on your battered heart that you're wearing on your sleeve.'

SHEESH. That was some mad blowing your socks off advice that will change your world into something that is amazing and filled with brightness. It's not about putting another person down and driving the arrow of hurt deeper into your chest like you're somehow gutting them, you're just trying to claw back the confidence that you had the honour and pleasure of witnessing from a person who was in your orbit for a few short weeks and then disappeared into the clouds back to their kingdom that they rule over. So, the answer to the question of who you think you are, is a simple one really, you're that unstoppable force to be reckoned with like your role-model, you're that person who doesn't wanna hide behind the ivy covered walls that hide you from showing the world how brilliant you are; even if it means you have to get a few scrapes and bumps along the way in the verbal sense. You've seen their iron will and the grit that they have to fight for survival and what they believe in, that you've become shocked/flabbergasted at their strength that you wanna be like them when it comes to having your voice cemented in this world. 

OMG. I rambled on and on for so long. I'll get back to giving y'all some awesome goldmines of advice that will make you turn that dying ember of your spirit have some kindling and turn into a blazing inferno. Sit back against those fluffy pillows and blankets that you seek comfort in. Slide into your favourite pair of loungewear/PJ's/Hoodies and joggers/Kaftans/t-shrits and jeans. Grab a big mug of Green tea to guzzle down until it hits that spot that makes you sigh in content. Listen loud and crystal clear:

'When you get the 'how dare you?' line, you've not been stupidly brave, you've shown courage in the absense of that shaking tremor of anxiety and panic clear your mind until it's laser focused and figure out how you can move on from the experience without shutting down and drowning in that wave of shame and mistakes that you weren't supposed to have a backbone and stand up for who you are and who you're meant to become. BE fearless like Four, and recreate yourself in your own image rather than in the image of the disappointment swimming in the eyes of the windows to the soul of the person who you think is a Marvel superhero.'

WHOA. That was some classic gold advice that shakes you to your core. Being in the stillness of a calming place where you can really let loose all that emotion you had to trap between the yellowed pages of your open-hearted book explode and spill out into the inner sanctuary of your safe place can lift the brick-like tension that's sitting on your chest deflate and you can breathe easily once you're stuck into that great book/movie or show, that's scrambling all the tension out of your brain like a weight or ache has left your body, but the trauma still sticks to your skin like a layer of sweat that you  can't wipe or shower off under a cool spray of water. It's about re-gaining the peace in your body while keeping the reminder locked tightly in the space between your ribs that is the heart that has been pounding and jack-hammering in your bruised aching ribs after the chaos is over. 

OOH. I was rambling so much there. I'll give ya'll one last piece of awesome mind-altering advice that will change the complexity of the maze that runs around in your brains. Sit back and relax against those comfy sofas. Slide into your favourite pair of chucks/kicks/fluffy slippers/fluffy socks/crocs with badge on them. Grab that shot of coffee to ease your nerves. Listen loud and crystal clear: 

'Don't be pushed into answering the question of understanding when you understand perfectly well what's at stake if you're in the trenches of having a voice that has to be dimmed like a lamp in a living room to give ambience, when you should be standing shoulder to shoulder with the greatest people in your life who can wield words like a sword hitting their mark cuz you'll need them when the strain of vaulting your words of advocacy gets too difficult to hide behind. Learn from their example of being inspirations to generations that come after you to harness that same quality of power and fearlessness while protecting those who get back into their shells when they don't know how to articulate themselves to the best of their abilities'.'

MY GOODNESS ME. Some amazing advice right there that you can take your hats off to and throw them in the air. I'll leave you to chew on that and give you a quote along the lines of: 

Stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone ought to be.'- Elizabeth Gilbert

I'll leave you to mull that over in your brains. 

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P.S. This isn't about a person this is about the experience of the thing.